The Physics of Quest

I'm exhausted. For the past two years I've been dealing with this stranger who has done a lot of stupid things in her life. She's been ruling over me now and I'm no more than a jealous, selfish bastard who does nothing but pretend to be happy and contented even if I'm not. Well I am happy. I am happy about the fact that I have a daughter who, I know, loves me so much and a family that understands every single action that I do in my life.

Thinking about them makes me want to work hard for it- for my relationship and over this stranger, but it makes me more exhausted. We used to be so in love with each other and care so much about how the other one feels, that was according to what I believe but I do not know if it was real. Well sometime we believe we know but if we come to think of it the more we know the more we realize that we really don't know anything at all. Now I don't know if I knew or if i knew not.

It's just not working. Us, me, our family. Unless he also wants to work for it. It always takes two to tango and I've done my part.

I guess what I really wanted to know now is to learn the Physics of Quest, learning about myself because it all started from within. I'm completely a stranger to who I am right. I wan to be forgiven, I want to be taken cared of, I want to be LOVED.

I have forgotten about myself.

Spell Happiness: I.S.H.I

Wow! It’s been a long time since my last blog. I’ve been busy with work and my kid, but I am so enjoying it. I missed this. Especially that there’s a lot going on in my life and I have not shared it to you. Well, I think I’ve been more mature now, a learned how to be humble and patient and most of all I learned how to love unconditionally.
Having Ishi around made a lot of difference in my life, well, not just in mine but for a lot of people. She’s an angel, and God is so good to have known that I, indeed, need her. She taught me a lot of things about growing up, about loving, about how it is to be selfless.
I miss the times when she was still 2 months old, she does not play, and she does not eat, nothing at all. She only cries and sleeps and drinks her milk. It makes me tired but now that I can play with her and that she giggles out loud, I don’t get exhausted anymore.
I can not contain the happiness to myself. I’m really happy, yes I am.

Malignant and Fatal

I have read a book title 'Confessions of Shoppoholic' and I was so like the character Rebecca Bloomwood. I just can'tm get rid of my impulses to buy things that are unnecessary and are actually rubbish.

I've come to realize how much time I spent pretending that I know.

I know NOTHING.

When I lookback, I was not the same me anymore. Where have the achievements gone, what happened to the confidence?

Is it suppose to happen? Was I too arrogant and self-centered?

I'm in a downfall even before getting to the top.

It's killing me...

More to0 Motherhood

It's my Yeshua's 2nd month birthday today. She's sick with colds and cough and have given her the medication she needs. It makes me sad knowing that she's still too young to be suffering that however thankful that God made her strong enough to endure her health's tribulation.

There's a lot more to motherhood than just the mere pain of giving birth. Worrying for the young is irrevocable especially when she cries seamlessly, i really mean seamless.

I appreciate more what my Mom have gone through when she raised me and I will always thank her for waking up in the evening even if she's very tired, sacrificing her meal just to attend to her crying child, stop investing in make ups and clothes just to buy milk and diaper.

If not for love I may not enjoy life.

If not for love I may not be born.

Nostalgic

The first day we met was so memorable.

We were grade five then, he was a transferee and I was a bully, yes, a girl bully. He was shy at first and I wanted him to sing for the whole class, he was just silently sitting at the back seat when I realized that I embarrased him and drove him to cry. I don't know if I was to laugh or feel guilty about it. Since then, he hated me. He does everything that he can to annoy me, and he was really annoying, like so annoying.

I cursed him and promised to myself that if ever this guy will court me, I will never ever lay an eye on him, but I was wrong, he was the first, the last and the only love in my life.

I miss those days when he mocks me because I knew atleast he recognizes me no matter how silly I was then.

:)

I miss my love.

Wedding Plans

I'll be posting our wedding plans here.

Feel free to put your suggestions or comments also.

Wedding Plans

Geee... Is this for real?

I'm really going to get married. Though I'm not ready yet, I know I will be in time.

I already have the song choice for the wedding march and the ones who'll be part of the entourage.

I'm not that excited for the wedding. I'm more excited for the life after the wedding.

:)